Heaven

Today's Religion Discussion: Jesus died on the cross because He loves us so much.

My students' contributions to this discussion:

Student 1:  When a person dies, they get to come back to life for a little bit and then go to heaven.

Me:  Uh, no, only Jesus was able to do that.

Student 2:  If a person is like 100 years old and still living, then they should just walk to heaven and go through the gates.

Me:  How would they know how to get there?

Student 3:  Heaven is right by my house.

A Lost Tooth

Its that time of year when more and more students are getting wiggly teeth.  One student came in this morning with a special bag labeled for his loose tooth which was sure to come out at any minute.  Sure enough, during our snack of Handi-Snack breadsticks and cheese, he came over and told me he had lost his tooth...literally.  "I can't find it anywhere" he said.  "Have you checked your stomach?" I wanted to say, but refrained.  After much searching and locating many tooth-like breadstick crumbs, I concluded that most likely he had swallowed it.   I explained to him that he could write the tooth fairy a letter explaining what had happened.  After writing mom a letter explaining what had happened, I offered to help him write his letter to the tooth fairy.  He, of course, wanted me to do it for him and started telling me what to write:  "Tell her I want a train set and a ...." I cut him off, "Um, you do realize this is not Santa Clause and she does have to put it under your pillow, right?"  I decided to let mom help him write the letter.

A Student Walks Into the Classroom...

So, a student walks into the classroom with a magnet picture frame from his locker which houses a picture of two teenage girls in their orange and hot pink prom dresses. The girls are hugging and the prom dresses are clearly from the past decade (there is not much too them). He wants to hang it on my desk. I inform him that I do not know the girls and that it would make more sense for him to ke...ep it in his locker. Curious, I ask who the girls are, thinking they are probably his cousins. He explains that his mom has two moms and this is a picture of them. "Oh, so those are your grandmas in that picture?" I try to say with a straight face. He would not confirm this nor did he see the ludicrousness of this whole story. But he did go on to explain how his dad grew-up before his mom did, so his dad had taken this picture. And then he was born, and he's five now...

I can't wait to bring this up at conferences!

But I Can Spell It!

While on Christmas break, I missed out on having conversations such as this:

Me: Did your mom have her baby yet?

Student: Yep!
...
Me: So do you have a new brother or sister?

Student: A new brover.

Me: Awesome! What's his name?

Student: Uhhh...Uhhh...I don't remember it, but I do know how to spell it! It's J-o-n-a-h.

Me: Jonah, that's a nice name.

Student: Ya, that's it. I would like to go home now so I can see him.

Me: I'm sure you would. Why don't you bring in a picture of him tomorrow. I would love to see what he looks like.

Student: Okay, but only if I get to be the Shining Star.